Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback Bosses, colleagues, customers but also family, friends, and in laws they all have suggestions for our performance, parenting, or appearance We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development but we dread it and often dismiss it That s because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires We do want to learn and grow And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life s blizzard of off hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback effectively Stone and Heen argue that we ve got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating r eceiversin the workplace and in personal relationships as well Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard headed advice The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education I would give this one 3.5 stars I admit I had high expectations, but ultimately was a bit underwhelmed There were definitely some good points and concepts, such as consciously separating feedback into appreciation, coaching, or evaluation As the subtitle implies, this book is all about how to receive feedback, and Stone and Heen make a compelling case for how the receiver is the one who controls the ultimate impact of feedback However, I felt that their advice on how to effectively and diplo I would give this one 3.5 stars I admit I had high expectations, but ultimately was a bit underwhelmed There were definitely some good points and concepts, such as consciously separating feedback into appreciation, coaching, or evaluation As the subtitle implies, this book is all about how to receive feedback, and Stone and Heen make a compelling case for how the receiver is the one who controls the ultimate impact of feedback However, I felt that their advice on how to effectively and diplomatically handleoff putting or hostile feedback was a bit lacking A lot of the conversations they portray also come off as very formal and not particularly reminiscent of real life exchanges which they point out at least once, to their credit Overall, I m happy I read this book and will definitely attempt to use some of their concepts in my job I was expecting or hoping for someprofound paradigm shifting ideas, but I did not find those here Still a worthwhile read, and I may need to pick it up again when I m not working 80 hours a week so that it takes me less than 3 months to read Some of the impact may have been lost in that fragmentation for me Note I received this book for free through the First Reads program.Thanks for the Feedback attempts to break down why the feedback we get often seems unfair or invalid, why it is so difficult to receive feedback hint the two are related , and presents doing so as a skill that can be improved The book is well researched and well documented, and the information is interesting and useful, for the most part I found the following two insights to be the most helpful.First, the book makes the dist Note I received this book for free through the First Reads program.Thanks for the Feedback attempts to break down why the feedback we get often seems unfair or invalid, why it is so difficult to receive feedback hint the two are related , and presents doing so as a skill that can be improved The book is well researched and well documented, and the information is interesting and useful, for the most part I found the following two insights to be the most helpful.First, the book makes the distinction between three types of feedback appreciation, coaching, and evaluation Appreciation is encouragement, coaching is feedback geared at helping you improve your skills, and evaluation is an assessment of where you stand Because each has a different flavor, and accomplishes a different purpose, the book argues these should be separated whenever possible, and both feedback giver and receiver should be aware of the type of feedback being given Similarly, if you don t feel appreciated, you resent being given critical feedback, and if you re trying to find ways to improve, a pat on the head isn t helpful There should be a balance between the three types.Secondly, the book talks about the difference between a growth based mindset and a fixed mindset the notion that your traits and abilities are inborn and unchanging, or that they alter over time based on your experiences and effort A set mindset leads you to avoid feedback and challenge because they threaten your identity as a smart or competent person, e.g If I fail at this task, then I m an idiot This might sound familiar if you ve taken a psychology course or two, but Thanks for the Feedback goes through how to start adjusting your mindset in favor of growth over set For example, it suggests giving yourself a second score on your resilience and willingness to learn in the face of a failure Inevitably, you will make mistakes, but practicing at learning those mistakes and recovering from them well will serve you well in the long run.I recommend this book if you find yourself wilting and becoming depressed in the face of feedback, getting irate or upset, or rejecting it outright With an open mind it would be a good tool for self improvement to anyone who works on a team or who gives or receives feedback I agree, however, with an earlier review that states you have to seek this book out for yourself trying to convince someone to read it because he or she doesn t take feedback well would only result in hard feelings A must read for anyone who interacts with others that is everyone for that part Feedback is just that a statement that we receive in a formal setting or nonchalant Giving feedback as the two authors state can be rewarding for others as well as you the giver , or it can be horrific as well, either way Three takes on that helping you, helping themselves the relationship and helping an origination team The book is filled with information, stories on getting better results from on feedback A must read for anyone who interacts with others that is everyone for that part Feedback is just that a statement that we receive in a formal setting or nonchalant Giving feedback as the two authors state can be rewarding for others as well as you the giver , or it can be horrific as well, either way Three takes on that helping you, helping themselves the relationship and helping an origination team The book is filled with information, stories on getting better results from on feedback the best statement in the book was The ability to learn from feedback is what will shape your future most The book really sets in motion the importance of understanding and giving feedback in a positive tone A good listener asks for help They touch on leadership, coaching, mentoring, teams, one on one and creating a better quality relationship with others Excellent book for the work place, sports, school and home front Thanks for the Feedback The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, is a book on the technique behind receiving, analyzing and engaging feedback Most jobs in the modern world come with yearly or evenfrequent formal evaluations Most people receive other forms of feedback everyday, whether it be a criticism of your most recent project at work, tips from a co worker that may or may not be wanted, or comments and conflicts with friends, romantic partne Thanks for the Feedback The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, is a book on the technique behind receiving, analyzing and engaging feedback Most jobs in the modern world come with yearly or evenfrequent formal evaluations Most people receive other forms of feedback everyday, whether it be a criticism of your most recent project at work, tips from a co worker that may or may not be wanted, or comments and conflicts with friends, romantic partners and random others Criticism is a huge part of life, but most people are uncomfortable receiving and giving it The authors have deconstructed feedback, examining why people hate it, the emotional responses present when receiving it, and tips on how one can better acknowledge and integrate feedback without engaging in larger conflicts Stone and Heen deconstruct conversations involving feedback, looking at both the giver and receiver, and the motivations behind their comments Often people are just as bad at giving feedback as receiving it, and this can lead to miscommunication of intent, and a disregard for useful advice Often people will offer unhelpful statements you are always late or you are such a slob these statements are personal, do not convey specific examples, and are not helpful When one receives a comment like this, it is useful to take a step back and examine why the comment is present What are the specifics that led to this comment Finding out you are always late to the weekly Sprint meeting, or you always leaver your socks on the floor, offer concrete examples, and present workable solutions to the receiver Stone and Heen examine how to receive feedback the biggest section of the book This includes examining the relationship between the giver and receiver, looking for ulterior motives, and then gracefully considering the comments One does not have to accept feedback, but receiving it can often point to deeper problems in the relationship between the parties The authors offer tips on how to avoid conversation pitfalls, like sidetracking turning the conversation against the giver If someone tells you that you are a slob for leaving your socks on the floor, the comment is often followed by, Well I wouldn t be such a slob if the laundry room wasn t always full of your clothers This form of sidetracking might contain the same topic ie leaving your socks on the floor but address to separate issues One person is talking about leaving socks on the floor, the other is talking about a messy laundry room Two separate problems, one topic of conversation Better to address the original topic first Stone and Heen also address blind spots in our awareness of ourselves, and feedback receiving and giving in firms and organizations, as well as a chapter on giving feedback as a manager or a concerned partner in a relationship All in all, this was a very interesting read It bucks the trend of the tide of productivity self help books on the market, looking at an interesting topic and dissecting it into parts It breaks down causes of feedback issues, and examines why these issues arise due to personality issues, relationship structures and misunderstandings It offers suggestions to help individuals step back from an overtly emotional response, and examine the issue at hand, without advocating for a completely robotic response from a feedback receiver Stone and Heen have written an excellent book that I personally found useful both for work and relationship situations, making it applicable to many aspects of ones life I can easily recommend this book both for those looking for a good productivity style book for personal development, and those in the business world looking for tips on how to step up their office interactions It was also surprisingly readable This is a must read for anyone out there seeking to improve in their personal and professional lives Feedback is everywhere and knowing that it is a powerful device, equally capable of bringing great benefit or great harm, helps us all navigate in our social and professional spheres. Surprisingly good I assumed this book would be centered around feedback as in something you get from bosses at work or similar , and while that is mostly the case, this book dives into farthan that tiny niche This book is really about introspection, relationship building, and making interactions with otherspleasant and effective.The feedback in question can be applied to any relationship customer provider, co worker, subordinate superior, and perhaps most importantly the marria Surprisingly good I assumed this book would be centered around feedback as in something you get from bosses at work or similar , and while that is mostly the case, this book dives into farthan that tiny niche This book is really about introspection, relationship building, and making interactions with otherspleasant and effective.The feedback in question can be applied to any relationship customer provider, co worker, subordinate superior, and perhaps most importantly the marriage.Dealing with feedback can be a negative experience in fact, it likely has a negative connotation with some people Even in the worst case scenario, this book will arm the reader with practical strategies and advice that can be applied that very same day Perhaps the best part is that the reader will be able to meta analyze a conversation in real time so that you can keep the encounter productive and positive in the sense that it moves forward productively.Even though I found myself a bit bored at times going over situations that weren t pertinent to me at the moment , I can strongly recommend this book to anyone that has to interact with others over the phone, over email, in person, etc That s probably everyone reading this review Even considering myself active feedback seeker, I still found nuggets of wisdom in this book It is very well structured, is illustrated with case study dialogs and introduces clear, easy to understand models How to differentiate feedback appreciation, evaluation, coaching What prevents us from taking in feedback truth triggers, identity triggers, relationship triggers How different people metabolize feedback based on their emotional baseline, swing and sustain recovery How biases an Even considering myself active feedback seeker, I still found nuggets of wisdom in this book It is very well structured, is illustrated with case study dialogs and introduces clear, easy to understand models How to differentiate feedback appreciation, evaluation, coaching What prevents us from taking in feedback truth triggers, identity triggers, relationship triggers How different people metabolize feedback based on their emotional baseline, swing and sustain recovery How biases and blind spots interfere How fixed growth mindset impacts feedback absorption Understanding what type of feedback you need and how to ask for it explicitly How to weigh feedback and how to reject it gracefully Although the book is written from a perspective of feedback receiver, learning the material will help with giving feedback as well I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review Anything I quote may have changed in the final version.This was a very difficult book to read I am never good at being criticized, and magnify that difficulty by taking everything as criticism Ha I m also in the position of giving feedback to a crew of librarians and can always use ideas for how to do this in the best way What I really like about this book is that it examines what the problems are, focusing on the I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review Anything I quote may have changed in the final version.This was a very difficult book to read I am never good at being criticized, and magnify that difficulty by taking everything as criticism Ha I m also in the position of giving feedback to a crew of librarians and can always use ideas for how to do this in the best way What I really like about this book is that it examines what the problems are, focusing on the person reading, while also giving ideas for how to address both the problems that are internal and those that are relational, structural, or role based I got a lot out of even just breaking it down into these categories, because it helped me see how complicated these elements can make something like giving and receiving feedback It made me think a lot about myself,in the role of receiving feedback than in giving it, probably because that is where I need the greatest help A few of the practical concepts I marked for further pondering Disentangle we from what The speed at which we interpret data, sometimes making us miss the actual meaning or intention of feedback Noticing different things despite having access to the same data ask Why do we see this differently What data do you have that I don t How much is role and how much is personality Pay attention to your own silent switchtracking reaction to others feedbackThe concept of identity story is something I ve come across before, but I felt it was well handled here How some people see themselves as unchangeable and that makes feedbackdifficult, and how sometimes figuring out what the story we are telling about ourselves can really help us wade through our reactions to feedback I loved the set of forward looking questions that the authors recommend you take to any evaluation conversationWhat were the criteria you used What did you consider to be the most important Are there concerns I should know about Are there skills or experience I am missing Looking forward What are the consequences How will this effect me in the coming year What should I be thinking about or working on When might we reassess Since the authors are careful to distinguish evaluation from coaching, and at once point suggest interpreting some evaluation as coaching, I liked this idea of having a tangible way of turning feedback around into immediate useful, actionable directions Excellent.There was one scary suggestion of asking people around you What do you see me doing, or failing to do, that is getting in my own way It is probably a clear indicator that this book did not save me from being terrified of this kind of conversation, but I m mulling it over Perhaps if I start with safer people And the authors suggest always having someone safe on hand to bounce ideas off ofWhen we are under stress or in conflict we lose skills we normally have, impact others in ways we don t see, are at a loss for positive strategies We need honest mirrors in these moments, and often that role is played best by those with whom we have the hardest timeHmm, interesting Actually they are not suggesting a safe person to mirror you, but someone who you struggle with I am not ready I will need to start small, but that is an interesting question And as someone who has been under too much stress in the last two years, I m not sure I want to hear the answer Ha I m SO glad I started the year with this book, because its effect and its teachings are extremely valuable and they re also a perfect fit for this stage of my life Thanks for the feedback is a dense book, but its clear structure and helpful examples make it worth reading The insights on how to receive and deliver feedback in a way that is helpful, meaningful and constructive have changed the way I look at feedback conversations and most conversations too, even if they re not specifically re I m SO glad I started the year with this book, because its effect and its teachings are extremely valuable and they re also a perfect fit for this stage of my life Thanks for the feedback is a dense book, but its clear structure and helpful examples make it worth reading The insights on how to receive and deliver feedback in a way that is helpful, meaningful and constructive have changed the way I look at feedback conversations and most conversations too, even if they re not specifically related to feedback There are some uncomfortable truths in this book which made me feel uneasy, because I tried to imagine applying them in real life However, just because they suggestions are outside my comfort zone, it doesn t mean that I m not going to go for them I have so many bookmarks in my book and quotes and advice I want to transcribe into my dedicated agenda that I might just copy the entire book If you re interested in growing as a person and on making your feedback and conversations worthwhile, this book is a must read Again and again


About the Author: Douglas Stone

Is a well known author, some of his books are a fascination for readers like in the Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well book, this is one of the most wanted Douglas Stone author readers around the world.


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